Self-mastery

The Chinese philosopher, Lau Tzu (6th Century BC), says this about Self-Mastery:

Those who know others are intelligent; those who know themselves have insight,

Those who master others have force; those who master themselves have strength.

Mastering yourself means you know you are in Chicago and not Boston; and you are ready to chart and travel your course to get to your destination, your New York.

And what does your New York look like?

Well, according to Enneagram if you are a predominant 7, for example, your destination is to become a focused inspirer; someone who has the ability to present a viewpoint that something that seems impossible can actually be done. You use your natural strengths: your enthusiasm, quick mind, upbeat friendliness, inquisitive imagination to help others find their voice.

If you are a 7, you would practice to listen fully to others, to go inward and to develop your emotional repertoire.

At our LPG meeting last Friday, we were inspired already by the one among us who has stepped up to take the Type 7 journey.

What about the rest of us? Are we ready to get to our New York?

Enneagram and Knowing where you are

There is one thing in common about LPG members: they are all into self-improvement.

Harry Palmer, author of the Avatar (R) materials says, "You can't get to New York from Boston when you are in Chicago." Knowing where you are--your starting point--is key to getting to where you want to go.

On the surface, the statement seems common sense enough. After all, that's how we use Google map every time we want to get directions to where we are going; we all start with "where am I"?

Carrying it out, on the other hand, is not as straight-forward as most of us want to admit. Determining where you are requires a high degree of integrity and self-honesty that left to our own devices few of us actually have.

The enneagram technique (discussed in LPG march sessions) is a powerful way to assess where you are. It's made more powerful when you use it with the support from someone you trust.

Inteview with God

Sunday night my wife and I got back to Rochester from two weeks of "vacation for the mind" in Orlando, Florida reviewing the Avatar Wizard Course.

Our plane from Chicago to Rochester arrived late by four hours. It was well past mid-night that we found ourselves at the eerily deserted airport.

I even joked with Ray (the only visible airport staff left) who was in charge of airport ground transportation, "Does the airport allow people sleep overnight?"

Ray was friendly and warm. We struck up a conversation and found that he was from Hawaii and just retired as a non-commissioned office from the army reserve and now worked part time at the airport. Though his shift was supposed to be from 3PM to 9pm, he felt compelled to stay behind to make sure that every last passenger got ground transportation. That's called dedication.

As we talked it dawned on him that we lived very close together--at north west Rochester. He offered to give us a ride home instead of waiting with little assurance when the next cab would actually show up.

So, we called to cancel the non-coming cab and got a ride from Ray. On the ride, we got to know a bit more about each other and had a wonderful conversation.

That's the aloha spirit.

And that along with the link to the "Interview with God" that Teresa sent reminded me that the universe's grace and good nature are everywhere. Our job is to simply be open to them.

In basket

Believe it or not, when I first joined IBM, every other cubicle dweller seemed to have one of those desk baskets that consisted of an in, a pending and an out shelf. The pending shelf was usually the middle shelf, while the in and the out shelf could be either the top or the bottom depending on the person's taste. The lack of standards necessitated labeling of them In or Out.

And if you had achieved enough of a rank (like becoming a manager or level l 59 which is band 9 for you youngsters) the department assistant would come to your office to feed your in basket and take care of filing stuff from your out basket.

Eldon's talk last LPG brought back this timeless technique of managing activities and to-do's, which goes to show that good ideas never die they just get recycled.

I am a believer of recycling good ideas. Often times wisdom comes when you take another look at a situation or some piece information with a different perspective--from another angle. It might surprise some that not every one is equally endowed with this ability to widen the scope to take another look. There are people who are so convinced that they got it right the first time they will fight you and argue with you and convince you that there is only one way and it's their way.

Since last week I have been in Orlando for a couple of weeks to practice taking another look at things. I am attending the Avatar Wizard course for the fifth time.

I won't be at LPG this Friday. Eldon will conduct session 2 of the life hacking discussions.

How do I feel?

LPG is about member participation. It's also about self-discovery and self-examination with gentle and non-judgmental support from the community. When each of us do it and honestly express our feelings, our actions also encourage others to open up.

Last Friday's LPG meeting about "feelings" is a great example of such an honesty. Members all took the chance to reveal a bit about themselves and how they get in touch with their feelings.

I believe that being able to feel and being aware that we are not our feelings but are the awareness that can watch and observe our feelings and emotions we are beginning to get in touch of our true nature. When we practice to notice and experience the gap between stimulus and response and learn how to accept the moment (emotions or circumstances) as it is, we are in fact improving our Emotional Intelligence.

And whenever two or more of us gather in a deep and accepting way to connect, to support, and to encourage each other, we have what Buddhists call it a sangha and Christians call it a communion. It's a precious moment.

How do I feel? How did I feel? What are the two poles of feelings to every situation? Those were the questions we asked at our last LPG meeting.

Thank you Hoa for leading the last two LPG sessions. We have the next two slots open. All you got to do is raise your hand.

Free 7 Habits of Highly Effective People Audio Book

Eldon sent me this link to a free audio book for 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Check it out.

Emotional Intelligence Session 3

The questions we asked at the meeting seemed to be:

Am I self-aware? Am I able to manage how I respond to my emotions? Am I able to feel how other people are feeling?

How do I not go overboard and turn self-awareness (which is being aware that my feelings and thoughts could impact my own actions and other people's well-being) into self-consciousness (which is overly introverted, shy, timid and withdrawn).

There is a fine line? Is there not?

Is awareness management same as always thinking ahead and think before you leap? Am I becoming a Thinking Machine? What happens to spontaneity? to authenticity?

These are questions that I myself constantly try to balance.

Of course there are two things that I believe in:

First, I have a free will. It's up to be to learn to control it, to strengthen it, to use it. I decide. And that means I can decide when to be deliberative and when to be intuitive. Second, finding the balance of when to do which is a trial and error act, a dance between this and that.

The more deliberate and conscious I am that I have a choice in the process, the better I get at it. Though I might not have been favored by nature to have high EQ, through nurturing and my own deliberate practicing I can become someone who adjusts intuitively to what is required--whether the occasion requires spontaneous gaiety or solemn respectfulness.

And doing the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People may just be one of the ways to improve EQ.

Also, welcome first time LPG attendees John and Yang to LPG.

More info and materials on the session can be found => LPG event notice.

Future LPG events can be found here ==> LPG info hosted on Middle Way Group site.