Last LPG meeting, Ji-Yun took us through a deeper meaning of coaching. As I was listening, it occurred to me, many times in my life I thought I was coaching someone when in fact I was trying to convince them, or give them advice or impart my beliefs on them. That is really not coaching...that is really saying to them: "Take two of these pills and call me in the morning."

Though there are times you have to resort to shaking some senses into someone especially when they are about to get run over by a freight train, in general I too have found that any past coaching success I might have was when I was able to establish a trusting relationship. Trust is honesty, compassion, patience, support and empathy. But it is not sympathy or feeling sorry for the other person.

As a coach, if I can create a sense of "I am here with you"--which is support and empowering the other to find their own solutions--and not crossing the line to create the impression of "I am here for you" which forms an attachment to the other person's drama while lessening their responsibility and power to find their own solutions then I am probably in the right mental frame.

Next Friday Ji-Yun will guide us to do some coaching exercises. Let's see how well I can create that right state of mind.

What have I learned on Thursday?

Ashok asked me what value-add I got from Thursday's Integrative Healing talk. If I have to name one thing, I would have to say I learned the 21st century's terminology to describe awakening.

Amit (tongue-in cheek, perhaps) calls it Logon. It's an apt metaphor in the computer age. After all, if one does not logon (or login) to a computer, one only has pens and paper to do math or write a note.

An unawakened (untrained) mind is a "monkey mind" that is busy with figuring, worrying, calculating, seldom at peace and certainly unoptimized. It is vague about creativity, joy, happiness, determination. It is unaware of the power that the quiet mind knows. What then is the power? It's the power to create.

Just think...the lecture was created by an intention--an intention of being connected to a cause and purpose that is higher than self. I got to know Ashok because we both served on the board of Diversity Council. We had the intention to help build an inclusive world. Similarly, ANG/LPG came into being and persist for more or less the same reason--an intention to share. From that intention, with no specific plan, friendship circles formed and grew and joined to form bigger circles. It's the old saying: one thing leads to another. With a trained mind, you can direct your attention to find the connections you want. Result, in this case, we got to logon to the same program, the same lesson, the same space on a lovely Thursday afternoon, people from all parts of the world got to enjoy the the same time/space continuum of the universe.

Coincidentally Amit the keynote speaker and Parul the IBMer in conversations after the talk found out that they both came from the same city in India and shared a common bond of a university there. In their hometown neighborhood, they had not known each other, but wonderfully and magically thousands of miles away on a lovely afternoon in an austere auditorium at a computer company, logged on, their paths finally crossed.

The way I look at it what I witnessed was a creation of the "Trained Mind"--an intentional, universal consciousness--a synchronicity. So, beyond the word lesson (ancient and modern wisdom) that Ashok and Amit shared with us on the scientific and medical benefit of breathing and meditation to good health was a world lesson--an experiential lesson, which says whatever you pay attention to the most, you will find. Seek and you shall find ... that is the ultimate value-add.

Finding your strengths

Watching CPAN Washington Journal this morning, which featured two high school teachers talking about the High School U. S. Government Exam and its importance to students getting into colleges, brought back memories of my first encounter with understanding the US government.

It was my freshman year in college as a foreign student from Hong Kong. For some reason, I was taking a US Government course. Since Hong Kong was a British Colony then (and would remain so until 7/1/1997), I had no personal experience of local, state and federal governments, no idea of the executive, legislative and judicial branches of government. Everything was strangely new and exciting about that US government course. I had to study very hard and I got an A on the course. My American classmates who had personal advantages were surprised how natural I came to know the subject.

In fact, history, government and literature were my best subjects in my first year of college. I still love them today.

I have often wondered how my life would turn out if I had pursued what was naturally easy and appealing to me instead of choosing "safe", left-brain oriented majors in computer/information science and electrical engineering.

Would I have been happier, more successful? Luckily, it's still not too late to ponder this kind of questions now that I am retired from IBM with most of my mental, physical faculties still working well enough.

In May, LPG will focus on the idea of finding and focusing on one's strengths.

When I wrote about Susan Boyle's amazing singing performance, I knew I was influenced by Covey's "Eighth Habit--find your own voice and help others find theirs."

Here is a link to a recent webcast featuring Covey discussing building a proactive 7 habits culture through leadership in a down economy. Much of the talk weaved around the 8th Habit.

Finding one's voice

Millions have seen on YouTube Susan Boyle's inspirational performance in "Britains Got Talent, 2009." What is it about her performance that moves so many people?

The cynic and skeptic in me would raise doubts that we have been setup and been manipulated to have low expectations before she sang. Wasn't her performance just too good to be real?
She just couldn't be an amateur. Her voice was just too stunning, hitting the high notes perfectly right from the start. She was just too confident and comfortable. Her performance was just completely at odds with her otherwise homely appearance that would speak more of someone not belonging to the glamor and the glitz of the performing stage.

It raised in me a red flag ... "Naw, this can't be true. The TV people have set this up to lure me to buy into the performance...to raise the ratings"

That's the trouble of the thinking mind. Its little suspicious instinct caused me to judge, to look around and took me away from the Now. It robbed me to simply enjoy and appreciate the magical.

In our last Enneagram session we have talked about what is the right mix of trust vs suspicion; when to go with your gut, when with your heart and when with your head. We did not come to a clear answer--which was just as well.

But my sense is that however she had been preparing herself and living her life, Susan Boyle found the right answer in that moment she performed on the show. We witnessed it and were inspired.

Toastmasters Table Theme Today

The theme for today's IBM Toastmaster meeting is "How busy are you?" The theme--picked by Mark who took over the Toastmaster MC role when the original member got tied up by something else--has a poignant meaning because at the economic downturn, folks just seem to have so much to do and can't find time for non-essential activities. That reminds me of Covey's Habit 2 and Habit 3.

Habit 2 says Begin with the End In Mind. Habit 3 says Put first things first.

Questions are:

1. What is your End? Where do you want to go? What is really important to you? What is your personal mission? If you were to die tomorrow, what would your tombstone read?

2. Based on your End, what are some of the important but not urgent things you got to find the time to do, that you need to put some priority on?

3. What are some of the really urgent but not important activities that are consuming your time?

4. What are some of the unimportant/un-urgent things you do and that are taking up your spare time?

Come to think of it, the most important and not urgent thing for most of to do is probably to spend some time finding out what our mission statement should be and that will determine what essential really means to us.

Self-examination and Self-mastery

Self-examination requires honesty. Taking the enneagram test by myself on myself is one thing. But, am I answering truthfully is another. Also how do I decipher the results?

How about coming to next LPG meeting, to help me or anyone else to analyze our results?
And bring your results too and let's compare notes.