Last LPG meeting, Ji-Yun took us through a deeper meaning of coaching. As I was listening, it occurred to me, many times in my life I thought I was coaching someone when in fact I was trying to convince them, or give them advice or impart my beliefs on them. That is really not coaching...that is really saying to them: "Take two of these pills and call me in the morning."
Though there are times you have to resort to shaking some senses into someone especially when they are about to get run over by a freight train, in general I too have found that any past coaching success I might have was when I was able to establish a trusting relationship. Trust is honesty, compassion, patience, support and empathy. But it is not sympathy or feeling sorry for the other person.
As a coach, if I can create a sense of "I am here with you"--which is support and empowering the other to find their own solutions--and not crossing the line to create the impression of "I am here for you" which forms an attachment to the other person's drama while lessening their responsibility and power to find their own solutions then I am probably in the right mental frame.
Next Friday Ji-Yun will guide us to do some coaching exercises. Let's see how well I can create that right state of mind.
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LPG is born of the belief that everyone can become a leader. It's a matter of practicing effective habits. And habits can be learned and unlearned. Therefore, we get together once every two weeks to live good habits--to become more effective.
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2 comments:
Comments from AP ..
Thanks, Al. In web 2.0, I think the concept of coaching most relates to the term, apomediation: http://scholarlykitchen.sspnet.org/2008/08/28/apomediation-word-of-the-day/
In medicine and health care, we strive to assess and advocate for what we feel/think may be rationally in the patient's best interest, but also respect, adapt and respond to what the patient ultimately chooses to do based on where they and their families are at. Wise coaches or educators also have an amazing sense of equanimity, let alone the trust, empowerment and other qualities you mention so nicely below.
... From AP
From RH:
Great synopsis of the session on coaching! The words "I am here with you" is compassion.
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