Inside Out Leadership

How do we acquire joy, fulfillment, success? How do we mange stresses?

Covey's habit 1: Be Proactive clearly help.

But, how do I really become Proactive? How do I make me "see that the is glass half full" and not "half empty."

I know I should develop a good attitude. But every time, when I say to myself: "Be positive", my inner voice argues with me and tells me to be "realistic."

Is it nature or nurture? Is it our DNA? Our EQ? Our IQ? Our circumstances?

These are common human conditions. By default we let our monkey mind run us.

The good news is there are tools we can use to tame our mind.

Dr. Amit Sood knows that. His book Log On tells us how. The May 18, 2009 talk he and Dr. Ashok Patel gave at IBM lay out the possibilities, the lessons and the practice.

This Friday, I am going to lead a discussion on my take on Sood's "Log On" idea. And I will also guide you to do a few Avatar(R) exercises that will let you experience mindfulness.

When you feel it, you will know it.

Neutrality, Walter Cronkite and Apollo 11

I am a news junkie. I can mark my life passage by significant news events that I have witnessed.

Forty years ago today on a warm summer day, lounging around at UCSD from where I had just graduated, along with several other engineering students, we were glued to the TV screen watching live the lunar landing of Apollo 11. The broadcaster was CBS's Walter Cronkite, my favorite TV anchor.

Cronkite died a couple of days ago. Many of the significant events of my formative years in the United States--such as the passing of MLK and RFK, Apollo 11 lunar landing, Nixon impeachment--I witnessed through his reporting lenses. In his news reporting era, Uncle Walter was rightfully called the most trusted man in America.

He got that distinction because we sensed that he maintained integrity by reporting the news simply, honestly and with neutrality. He never imposed upon his viewers his own opinions. He just told the story...that's the way it is.

We like that because we know we have enough of our own values and beliefs (some we deliberately chose for ourselves and others we probably adopted somewhat unknowingly) to deal with already. We don't need one more source of indoctrination from a TV anchor.

But how much do we really know what we value and what we believe?

Last LPG meeting, we did a number of exercises based on CTI to assess and explore that question. The result sometimes was surprising. A number of us reported that there were gaps between what we thought we were from how we really lived our lives. We didn't always live up to what we valued.

But that's the power of self-examination and inward exploration. Used properly, it gave us the insight to change our thoughts and change our lives.

The following are tools that we used to assess who and where we are.

• Value Assessment
• Professional Wheel Assessment
• Personal Achievement Wheel

Wisdom Calls

Wisdom often times appears when one least expects it to. Sorting out my over crowded coffee table in my man's cage, I found this retirement best wishes card from Jim and Kathryn last year. Many of the advices on that card ring wisdom:

1. Relax and Enjoy yourself
2. Try something new
3. Imagine the possibilities
4. Remember to play
5. Expect adventures
6. Make new plans
7. Embrace the freedom
8. Nap without guilt
9. Take time just for you

A good list of actions for everyone.

Practice Makes Perfect

As the saying goes: Practice makes perfect. Collaborative coaching, discussed and practiced in our last LPG meeting requires the coach to ask questions that are open, probing and non-judgmental and to be listening actively to what is being said and not said. It is a skill that requires practice to get good at.

The temptation and tendency is for the coach to jump in and cut short the exploration and suggests their opinion and become the "sage" and offers a "perfect solution". A solution that on paper may be perfect does not necessarily sing to the coachee because it did not come from their inner self. At best, it is another good idea that they might attempt to take up half-heatedly. At worse it causes them to react negatively: "Don't give me advice when I want you to listen to me."

As a facilitator for Diversity Council, I know the power of guiding a dialog and let the conversation flow and trust that the process itself will yield the insight. But knowing the value does not always mean I have the skill to do it. I was facilitating a Rochester neighborhood dialog last Tuesday, on a few occasions I found myself drifting from being a guide-on-the-side to a sage-on-the-stage to start voicing my own solutions. As soon as the words came out of my mouth I could sense that they had a stoppage effect on the group. They sucked the air out of the room. And it would take some effort to regain the conversation flow.

That's why we need more practices.

Next LPG meeting, Ji-Yun will take us through more exercises on how to ask the right questions, control our inner thoughts and pay attention to the other person.